There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
