I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
do herpes really smell.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
