You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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