All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
