it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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