somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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