i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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