Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
