dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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