I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
