Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
