I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
