I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
