Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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