sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
