Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
