Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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