best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just gargled with NyQuil
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Nobody cheats on THIS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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