i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
