i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize