swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
