I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
