He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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