I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
