What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
