I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
