I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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