Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
