I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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