i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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