It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
