Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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