he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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