I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
