Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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