I CAN MOONWALK!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They took my balls.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
