THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im holly from the hills drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
