respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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