FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So vagazzling was a success
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
