There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
