You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
