remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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