Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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