he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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