I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
