I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
