My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How does one acquire holy water?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
