awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
