I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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