Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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