i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
