Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
