So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
