My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
