i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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