and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
