my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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