You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
