someone threw a dead crab at me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
