Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
