Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
