The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
