Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
