Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
