think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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