I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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