will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
