i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize