Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
