I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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