Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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