like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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