maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
