How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
farters have to be the big spoon...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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