May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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