I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
