you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
